I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have aggressive nipples.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize