Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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