They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
