Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
