I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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