we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
