i permit you to call me
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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