Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
only you would photoshop your dick
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
