Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
