I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
