Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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