So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
