mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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