tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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