you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize