I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
