She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
