the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
