Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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