Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
