would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize