Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize