I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
