if you like me you must not know who I am
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
