do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
