there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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