My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
