you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
