i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
