Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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