coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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