part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
