the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
