The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
