Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
