She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
