singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
