his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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