No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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