it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
