He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
