What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
