dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
