So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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