I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
