it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
