Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
