I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
