I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
