I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
