Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
