Welp...herpes.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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