I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
