My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
