I hate all girls vehemently.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
