Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i would punch a child for taco bell
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
