Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize