He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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