please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
