I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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