I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
