At least make sure they are 18
Why
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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