i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
