hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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