I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize