im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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