Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
