New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
birth control should be required to get into college
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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