I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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