Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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